LONG SOCKS

At the risk of sounding depressing I'm going to write about depressing things, because what's the point of faking happiness? It just ain't happening now in massive quantities...

I miss Diablo and Astrid. I really, really miss them. There's nothing else to say about it. I want to be with them so badly.

As previously mentioned in previous blog entries, we might not be going back to Costa Rica. Financially, it was harder than we thought it'd be, and we can't go back scraping bottom. Not with two little kids. The thought of not going back makes us very, very sad. Despite all the hardship we had the last few months--there was definitely a lot of hardship at times--we have officially been infected with the Costa Rica bug. What will I miss the most? Our friends, all our new friends, the drop-dead physical beauty, the horses in the big field, Lula's teachers and classmates, pollo frito con pappas, learning Spanish,

***After writing the above, having a good cry, then looking at the sunset with husband, writer put on long socks (one striped grey and teal, one solid aqua) and realized she might like to wear high-heeled shoes with them. As in, wear clothes one does not usually wear in Costa Rica. As in, maybe...hmm...maybe...one is not so opposed to living elsewhere? Perhaps in Zimbabwe or Finland? ***

It's true--the reality of not going back to Costa Rica and Samara, in particular, is not cheery. But I've been realizing lots of things in the last two weeks:

I really, truly, madly love June and James, Jesse and Melissa, Robert, Venenzia, Victoria, Noah, Earie, and all of Joedy's relatives, there being 6389 in Corpus alone. I'm not kidding! I'm not kidding about thinking they're cool, either--when your mother-in-law demands a Texas hoedown after Thanksgiving dinner, with table-top dancing provided by her, you know what you already knew: she's a keeper. Your father-in-law, who has a fine appreciation for local agriculture, is a keeper too, not even saying "Are you freaking kidding me??" when you showed up at the airport with your cat. Lula and Malko have been made much of by their grandparents and family in general, and it's been...what can I say? It's been great, as great as having my family--especially Robert, my stepfather, who drove here from Santa Barbara--closer the last couple weeks. We might still be a plane ride away, but we're (most of us are, anyway) in the same country, at least!

There are more places in the world we want to see. Zimbabwe and Finland, definitely. And I think if we want to, Joedy and I can go back to Costa Rica sometime, some way, though we might be using walkers by then. Costa Rica will be there, and--at the huge risk of sounding cheesy--Costa Rica will always be in our hearts. There. That WAS horribly cheesy. But fun!

While thinking about the pros and cons of Costa Rica, Austin, Providence, and Santa Barbara, I realized there'll be beautiful things AND hardship everywhere, and that I'll miss some people no matter where I am. At the even huger risk of sounding even cheesier and, for extra effect, overly self-concerned, I'm going to say that I'll miss the person I was in Costa Rica. I don't feel comfortable wearing a lion's-tooth necklace in Corpus, and that's annoying. Also: sarongs! Seriously: I miss Rojo, my bike. Riding it around potholes on the way to Lula's school, feeling freer than I have in recent and not-too-recent memory. Being freakishly happy at times, despite the difficulties. It was really fun, being there!

In a couple days we're going to Joedy's cousin Katherine's house in Austin. I'm looking forward to checking out Austin. I hope it'll be cold enough there to wear these socks, with or without heels.