LIVING IN LIMBO

Things couldn't get much more bedlam-ish than they are now, with the dogs still in Samara, our financial situation not good, thirty boxes of belongings in California, no home and not much in the way of work (Joedy's still freelancing), and above all the undeniable fact that we failed in our attempt at moving to Costa Rica.

We're still at Joedy's parents' house in Corpus, having decided, at their urging, to stay longer to save the money we'd inevitably have spent in Austin (where, apparently, it is cold enough to wear long socks, with or without high heels), and although we felt like gigantic schmucks coming back, after the night at his grandmother's house, it was also a relief, because it's so comfortable and homey here. On Wednesday I'll fly with the kids to Pheonix, to stay with my mom (M) and her boyfriend, and the following Tuesday we'll fly to Providence, to stay with my other mom (Nanou) and dad. Joedy, meanwhile, will go to Costa Rica to get the dogs, his surfboards, our bikes, and the four suitcases we left behind, flying back into LA, where he'll have some work appointments and get our stuff out of storage. Hopefully, he'll be able to collect the $2400 the new owners of the Volvo and the Toyota still owe us (the Volvo guy hasn't paid a cent, and doesn't answer our calls), but who knows--I certainly don't have my hopes up.

At this point it's clear we need jobs, badly, so I'm going to start looking on Craigslist, focusing on Providence, although I'll also check Austin. Joedy could probably find work in Southern California, and that would be great, of course, but the idea of moving back there doesn't rock our worlds, seeing as we just left, and we'd probably have to pay insanely high rent again, and blah blah blah...

It's hard not seeing the past few months as a phenomenal failure, and already I can tell my memories of Samara are being clouded with bitterness and regret. I'm trying to remember everything will be ok--we'll get jobs, we'll get back on our feet, we'll pay back our parents, who lent us money and bought us plane tickets to Arizona and Rhode Island, and make it up to Nuria and Oliver, who bought tickets to come see us in Samara for New Year's--but I'm ashamed and mad at myself for the way things turned out, and the positive outlook I'm trying to take feels forced and frankly pointless.

I don't have much else to say now, but I do want to officially thank our parents, who've helped us so much: we've added more worries to your plate than we should at our age, and you've been unfailingly supportive and loving. Thanks, guys...