Monday, November 24, 2008

You know you've got a nice brother when he discovers a bowl of week-old pee (see "Driven to Folly") in your car and hands it to you calmly, without getting all freaked out, even though it was turned upside down (it was in an untippable dog's water bowl) and there was, like, decomposing kleenex and a small leaf that looked like a sewer creature floating around in there. Even though the smell of rotting urine filled half the Trader Joe's parking lot, and you were certain strangers could tell it was a bowl of disgusting pee you were carrying to the trash can, your brother coolly made the "executive decision" to put the Thanksgiving groceries in the back seat of the car where they would not risk contamination from the vile, hideous, worse-than-a-kennel-of-hyenas smell.

As you drove to the park to have a picnic, you reflected on another time your brother was really nice to you. This time it was on a boat, an antique sailboat to be exact, and you were drunk, and he had just told you not to throw ANYTHING into "the head." For some reason (maybe because you were drunk?) you threw your tampon into the head and it promptly clogged the boat's plumbing. And at 2 o'clock in the morning your tired tipsy brother calmly unscrewed some pipes, fished around for the offending object, pulled it out, and gave it to you. Or did he throw it into Narragansett Bay? You can't remember, because you were drunk and you blocked that part out. All you really remember is how grateful you were that he didn't embarrass you further--he didn't call you an idiot, which you most certainly were, and you never heard about the incident again.

It's nice, really nice, to have a nice brother.


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Someone recently told me about being stuck in traffic and having to pee in their dogs' untippable water bowl. While driving. This is something I would never, ever, EVER do. Even if I was stuck in traffic and really had to pee and had the dogs' untippable water bowl next to me. Nope, I would NEVER EVER do that.


Thursday, November 6, 2008

I'll never be a patriot, because I don't believe one country deserves more of my love than another, but I like the United States a lot better now, and for the first time in my life I truly care about the president. And also for the first time, I feel a sense of unity with this country and with the world.