SHTUFF!

When Joedy was in California he arranged to have our stuff--the stuff we didn't take to Costa Rica last August--sent to Austin, and it finally arrived yesterday and today. We, especially Lula, had been waiting eagerly to see not only what exactly we'd kept (with three yard sales and the brain-melting madness of trying to import a pet rabbit to Central America, things got blurry) but what condition everything was in. We'd told Lula ALL her old toys were coming, which was a big lie, because I remember throwing away BOXES of plastic crap with missing pieces, and I was apprehensive about that: would there be enough toys, or would it be disappointing for her? Would any of the clothes she kept talking about actually fit? Could I stand to see her sad again, so soon after the Liam business?

The delivery truck pulled up late yesterday afternoon while I was feeding Malko; hoping he wouldn't launch himself headfirst out of his high chair, I ran down the driveway and yelled hello to the driver. He jumped down from the cab, smiled, and opened the back: I saw a smallish stack of boxes, familiar but worn-looking, some smooshed, the whole thing kind of listing to one side, in the middle of the floor. My heart sank; I thought the stack looked tiny. Meager. Depressing. I thought, this is all we kept? My god, how disappointing...I could see a plastic bin stuffed with all my old diaries, and I was like, this is what I chose to save? This is what we've been waiting for?

The driver asked if there'd been any furniture attached to the pallet. "No, no furniture," I said, regretting again that we hadn't just kept all our beat-up thrift store furniture. How I'd have loved to see our old red armoire, our old wooden desk, the kitchen table, the little chest of drawers with the broken handle. But...wait! There WAS something! I turned to the driver: "Yes, there was a cabinet! Tall, wood, antique! Do you have it?"

"Ok--yeah, we've got it," the driver said. "It's at the loading dock. I think some other boxes of yours might be there too." Some other boxes? Phewie! Great, maybe we wouldn't be so disappointed after all. I mean, my old diaries?

Joedy came home then and we started carrying the boxes into the house. Very quickly the living room turned into Toy Central, which was a good thing, because it meant I had saved enough toys (oh boy, did I save enough toys) and Lula wasn't disappointed AT ALL. Not one teeny bit. How could she be? The stack of boxes had been deceiving--it had looked small in the truck--but in fact it was not that small at all, and easily a third of the boxes were marked Toys. Toys and Baby Clothes.

My god, we have tons of toys and baby clothes now. TONS. They're everywhere: in the kitchen, on the stairs, in the bathroom, on the couch, on the table, under the beds, on the beds, behind the stove. How can so much stuff have fit in those dinky-looking boxes? Someone--I'm not saying who--must have done a VERY good job packing!

The second installment arrived today with "Joedy's" (he bought it before we met) antique wooden cabinet: while it was still sitting in the driveway I opened the little drawers inside and saw all the old notes we'd put there, the scraps of paper with important doodles--all the little bits of paper that chronicle our life together--and it was so...nice seeing all that again. It made me feel young and happy, and I didn't mind, suddenly, that we hadn't kept any of our other furniture. I felt like, life is an adventure! We'll say goodbye to some bedside tables and hello to others! We'll go on wild thrift store sprees, which Austin happens to be perfect for, and replace all that old junk! It's good to get rid of old things! It's good to get new old things!

But: I also might not have minded because there was--is--so much stuff filling up the house already. Not just toys and baby clothes--kitchen gear, books, photos, mobiles, strange electronic gadgetry, diaries, paintings: enough stuff that it feels like Christmas. On mushrooms. But much dustier. Enough to fill another room or two. Easily. Which is why we need to move. Soon. We hope. Because this, this is nuts!!

SO MUCH SHTUFF!