Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Moving to another country is good if your life is lacking household drama. Suddenly, there's a lot more yelling: you find yourself yelling about everything from toast, to toothpaste, to dog food. During the pause you take between barking out commands over the noise of the vacuum cleaner, you realize your ears hurt. Why? Because you've been yelling for the past four days.

Yesterday, I found myself in the bathroom rubbing baking soda on my teeth with a washcloth. Today I discovered that Gorilla Tape can be used to remove body hair. The house is getting empty and each room echoes now, but there are still lots of "unresolved issues" and things stacked on them. I felt overwhelmed yesterday by the piles of clothes, the boxes, and the pieces of furniture without a home, and spent an inordinate amount of time looking at and trying to whiten my teeth. Today after spending a long time with Sapporo and thinking about never seeing her again, I ate two bowls of cereal with powdered chocolate poured on top. I couldn't find a bowl, so I ate it in a coffee cup, with a soup spoon.

It was the first time I hung out with Sapporo for so long since we decided to give her away, and definitely the longest in the last few days. I've noticed myself ignoring her when I go outside--not looking at her hutch, not saying her name the way I usually do. I realized I was doing it because I didn't want to think about leaving her, and when I finally did hang out with her today I started getting all teary. I'm consoling myself by thinking that at the rabbit adoption place she'll get to be with other rabbits, and she's never been able to do that, not since she was really little anyway. I think that will be nice for her, and I really like the rabbit shelter she's going to. Ok....here I go getting all teary again. Sapporo has been the best (and longest-living!) rabbit I've ever had, and there have been a few. Granted, she's had better living conditions than some (she didn't have to sleep in a dorm room closet), and that might have affected her disposition favorably, but I think she's just an unusually smart and loving bunny. Ok...um, yeah--teary again!

We need to be out of the house by Sunday, when the landlords will do the walk-through, so really we just have three more days. I try to think those words without, like, hyperventilating, because, well, we still have to sell the Toyota, buy rocks for the garden, replace the screen door, replace the blind, pull all the nails and screws out, patch up the holes, paint where we've chipped the paint, buy pet crates, clean the fridge, get rid of the furniture, pack all the stuff that isn't packed yet, take the VW bus to the garage, dismantle our bed, clean the house, bring Sapporo to the shelter, put stuff in storage, take Lapis to the vet, send his papers to the office in Sacramento, and buy cough syrup for Lula's cough. (I went to the store to do that after writing this, bought some cookies and ice cream too, had a one-person sugar party during which half the pint of ice cream was inhaled, and then sat down to write some more).

My thoughts on Costa Rica have been mixed lately. No, that's not true--they've been nonexistent. Like my thoughts about Sapporo, I've been pushing thoughts about Costa Rica out of my mind, because I just don't want to face the fears and worries I have about moving there. When I'm lying in bed, I sift through them, trying to talk myself into a quieter state, and basically they all come to the same thing: Lula and Malko getting hurt. To say that I'm apprehensive is true, but it's on a much larger scale than I've ever known, and despite tugs of excitement here and there and signs that things are going smoothly and even well, I'm finding it easiest to deal with Costa Rica by not thinking about it. I'm pretty sure everything will be fine, and I don't regret the decision to take this huge step, but I think it's healthy to go into a new situation with as little expectation as possible. There could be monkeys and butterflies cuddling up in bed with us every morning in our new home--if so, great. Right now I'm focusing on making sense of the domestic chaos and resting my vocal chords. The six suitcases lying open in the living room are demanding my attention, and that's where my thoughts are going: to the suitcases, and to Sapporo.

P.S. We ended up giving Sapporo to Joedy's brother James and his girlfriend Lisa, and she's been spoiled beyond belief ever since...

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