Saturday, September 25, 2010

Since I came back from Rhode Island a month ago I've been missing people--family, friends, old coworkers--a lot, even more than before, and I think it's because the novelty of living in Austin, of making it our long-term home, is fading a little.

I still love this city and am proud to call it home, but the reality of building a foundation here, of putting in the hours and days and months and years it takes to make new friends and create a solid social network, brings me down: I don't want a new group, I want my old group(s).

Besides Joedy's cousin (and mine, by default!) Katherine, I don't really have any friends here yet. I'm acquainted with a number of people, but I've done very little to become closer to them--I just don't feel motivated.

It took me a long time to find friends in Santa Barbara. For a couple years I literally wondered what was wrong with me--why I couldn't find friends--and though that lessened during Joedy's and my pre-kids partying years, when we did have a close group, we fell out of touch with that group when we stopped partying; I stayed close to two girls, but again I felt isolated and...weird.

It wasn't until a few years ago that things started clicking and I met "my people"--library friends/coworkers, for the most part, but a few "random encounters" too--and I finally had what I wanted: a big group of good friends. I felt surrounded and loved and normal, and it was great.

I knew when we moved to Costa Rica we were saying goodbye to everyone we'd become close to in California, and I accepted the fact that I'd have to make new friends there (which we did, amazingly, pretty quickly), but since we've been in Austin I haven't been interested in searching new people out--I just don't feel like it. It seems like work, frankly, and I can't help wondering: why? Why put all this effort into finding new friends? I don't want new friends! I want my old friends!

I know that sounds lazy and unappreciative, and just today I had a long, enjoyable conversation with a woman I'd be delighted to friend, so I might end up with a social life here whether I like it or not, but that doesn't take away the fact that sometimes--often--I miss all the people I've gotten to know over the years, all the people scattered here and there and everywhere, and sometimes--often--the thought of going through the whole thing again seems pointless.


Twinkle Arlington said...

What's wrong with HER??

Willy Knish said...

So emotional! Has she been drinking?

Herbert Foobvst said...

It sounds like she's not drinking ENOUGH.

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