FRIENDS

Since I came back from Rhode Island a month ago I've been missing people--family, friends, old coworkers--a lot, even more than before, and I think it's because the novelty of living in Austin, of making it our long-term home, is fading a little.

I still love this city and am proud to call it home, but the reality of building a foundation here, of putting in the hours and days and months and years it takes to make new friends and create a solid social network, brings me down: I don't want a new group, I want my old group(s).

Besides Joedy's cousin (and mine, by default!) Katherine, I don't really have any friends here yet. I'm acquainted with a number of people, but I've done very little to become closer to them--I just don't feel motivated.

It took me a long time to find friends in Santa Barbara. For a couple years I literally wondered what was wrong with me--why I couldn't find friends--and though that lessened during Joedy's and my pre-kids partying years, when we did have a close group, we fell out of touch with that group when we stopped partying; I stayed close to two girls, but again I felt isolated and...weird.

It wasn't until a few years ago that things started clicking and I met "my people"--library friends/coworkers, for the most part, but a few "random encounters" too--and I finally had what I wanted: a big group of good friends. I felt surrounded and loved and normal, and it was great.

I knew when we moved to Costa Rica we were saying goodbye to everyone we'd become close to in California, and I accepted the fact that I'd have to make new friends there (which we did, amazingly, pretty quickly), but since we've been in Austin I haven't been interested in searching new people out--I just don't feel like it. It seems like work, frankly, and I can't help wondering: why? Why put all this effort into finding new friends? I don't want new friends! I want my old friends!

I know that sounds lazy and unappreciative, and just today I had a long, enjoyable conversation with a woman I'd be delighted to consider...my friend, so I might end up with a social life here whether I like it or not, but that doesn't take away the fact that sometimes--often--I miss all the people I've gotten to know over the years, all the people scattered here and there and everywhere, and sometimes--often--the thought of going through the whole thing again seems pointless.