Saturday, January 16, 2010

At this ripe old age, I should know better than to start blog entries at night, but gosh! Some of us just don't learn. Hence: another late-night blog entry, another night of shitty sleep, more sallow under-eye circles, more of the feeling that I am a pale-faced, hairy-legged mofo--the good thing about having hairy legs in Rhode Island in January, of course, being No! Need! For! Long johns!

Today I thought I'd write a blog entry about Bambi getting killed--smooshed by the side of the road by a Fedex truck--but by this evening and a couple glasses of alcohol I realized it was stupid to try to write an entry where I SORT OF, not really, but kind of allude to my resemblance to a dead Bambi, i.e. a soft innocent side of me smooshed by the side of the road by a methed-up Fedex freak! It would have been stupid because first of all, I ain't no fucking Bambi, I mean, I ate venison two months ago, and anyway, dude, I cannot stand Disney*, and second of all, what was second of all? Oh yes. I am happy and go-lucky after all. I AM a BIG bouncing BABY deer! Spotted and frisky, eating clover and venison! I mean, denizens! Of pretty scented flowers! All is so fancy, free, and gay! Jolly to be you and me! We are the world! So let's start giving!

As much as I am loathe to share my silly self-pitying fantasy of myself as a dead Bambi I'm going to go there to point out that I'm not just some weird sick freak having weird sick fantasies about what may or may not be my (dead) totem animal. Where was the smooshed deer stuff coming from? Um...I forgot...oh, wait--I remember now: it was from looking on Google Streets at our new neighborhood in Austin! Thinking the trees and the sunlight looked so foreign and strange! Thinking "what have I done? Yet another new place--I don't think I'll like it! Why did we leave all the good stuff we had? Why have I been such a stupid fuckhead?!" I felt hopeless and depressed, like the soft fun side had been smooshed flat, thrown to the side of the road by a truck, all the happiness dead and over and dirty and done.

Things are better now. I went shopping with my dad this afternoon, instead of going for a lonely walk+nice cry, and when we came home I was all socialized** and normal again. Then we had a lively dinner and I got to work my "Sir Fartsalot" joke into the conversation, much to everyone's delight, I think, and by now I'm my usual immature, happily-drooling-fool-ish self!

Joedy is leaving Samara on Monday with the dogs (who are in great shape, by the way--not too traumatized, although Diablo walks sideways now and Astrid barks with a lisp) and, hopefully, not much of our left-behind stuff. He'll get into Austin on Tuesday, and then we'll arrive Wednesday, and then the whole next installment of this crazy story will begin, which kind of makes me shudder, but not totally in a bad way...

*I do like "vintage" Disney

**like a circus animal

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

It's okay if you don't like it here in Austin, but you will at least have me to play with making jewelry and mobiles AND pina coladas AND I GET TO BABYSIT while you and Joedy go do fun grownup stuff. just sayin...
excitedly yours, Kat

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