OLE' FAT FACE

If you know a pregnant woman and you want to stay on her good side, make sure you don't tell her you've noticed the pregnancy "showing in her face." Even if she's still pretty thin, by pregnancy standards, and she's 35 years old and theoretically not vain anymore, telling her she's getting fat in the face might make her think you're insensitive at best. If she has been getting really shitty sleep lately and on that particular day has felt like small lead weights are glued to her lower eyelids, pulling her features down into permanent tired-mom land, and she has been struggling to act normal, for god's sake, as opposed to a strung-out bundle of raw nerves and threatening tears, your comment might make her think worse things.

After a relaxing weekend, the pregnant woman is able to not care so much about a silly comment about her supposed facial weight gain, and a few hours ago, while cleaning the bathroom, she looked in the mirror and thought "Jeeziss! I AM big!" Her stomach stuck out like a perfect round ball, and as she gazed at it from this angle and that angle and imagined the tiny body inside, all warm and snug and happy, she smiled at the coolness of the whole thing.

Then, with an unladylike grunt, she leaned down to scrub the bathtub--the bathtub that, in a few months' time, will be holding a big sister, a very little brother, and maybe a small brown "boat" or two.