Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Ok, I take back all those jolly, ain't-pregnancy-grand statements I made in my previous State of Stupidity.

The nightly muscle cramps, which tear me from precious sleep with a blaze of pain in my calf and which can only be waited out, each excruciating second bringing me closer to wide-motherfruitcaking-wakefulness, have started to piss me off. As if having to share a bed with two other humans (three, if Lula's joined us), two dogs, and a cat weren't enough, now I get to do that AND suffer from living-nightmare paroxysms of the leg. And mind you I suffer quietly, so as not to disturb my bedmates. Because I am nice, very nice. And for that I deserve lots of presents.

Pregnancy is also wreaking havoc on my feet. Today, being in an Alternate State of Stupidity, I wore boots with 3-inch heels to work, and while walking the 128 steps (yes, I counted) to the car this evening, the balls of my feet felt like they were being shattered with a sledgehammer. What with the pain and the swirling visions of foot-binding/torture clouding my thinking, it was all I could do to keep from sitting down in the middle of the sidewalk, ripping off my boots, and throwing them in a dumpster. When I got home, I went on a cream and lotion rampage, anointing my sore feet with every moist substance I could find in the bathroom; the hemorrhoid cream smelled a little funny, but Lula's grape-flavored hair detangler masked it enough that the dogs stopped sniffing and trying to hump my legs.

I'm not even going to talk about the tiredness, because it's just stupid: stupid tired, tired stupid.

Forty-four more days of this, and then--yippeee! Night sweats! Elephantine breasts! Infant-induced chaos!

What was I THINKING?


Anonymous said...

Again, I LOVE the artwork. Not to mention the tone: self-deprecatory and unpretentious but without self pity.


uncleremus said...


uncleremus said...

hey my cat just jumped on keyboard ignore previous communication

prehistoric said...

You weren't thinking--you were feeling! can be very dangerous indeed!
Rumor has it calcium does wonders for pregnant calves...

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