LAUNDRY THOUGHTS

Well, here we are, nine NINE NINE days away from the Baby Event. After writing the last entry, I felt bad because I thought I made it seem like I'm very apprehensive about the changes Malko will bring to our lives--that I'm so apprehensive I think I'll need drugs to deal with them.

That is absolutely not true at all! I plan on dealing with the changes with home electro-shock therapy (I hear Target has some great kits).

Yesterday I took Malko's first load of laundry off the drying racks outside, his little pyjamas, jackets, socks, and hats all clean and fresh and kind of wrinkled (Lula had insisted on helping me hang them). The wrinkles made his clothes, and him, seem more real, more human, more part of our everyday lives, and bringing the stack of laundry into the house and setting it on Joedy's and my bed, smelling the outdoor-smell emanating from it (still a nice smell, despite our proximity to the freeway), I felt so excited and happy; soon, the knobby bumps sticking out of my stomach will fill those clothes; soon, we're going to have a new little person in our lives.

There's a part of me that thinks I shouldn't talk too much about being excited and happy, a superstitious side that thinks crowing loudly about how great everything is right now--about how much I'm looking forward to next Friday--is setting myself up for ironic twists that otherwise might not happen. I guess it's good to try not to get one's hopes up, generally, but MY GOD, what could be more hope-inducing than a baby?

Lula is almost five and learning how to spell short words. She's still very cuddlable, and tonight she fell asleep with her fingers in her mouth the way she always does--making that adorable slurping sound that sends me into a state of total relaxation--but she's not baby-like in many other ways, and the thought of experiencing a baby again, of being the mother of a baby again, makes me feel like I'm about to step into a whole new world. I've been to that world before, but things will be different this time: I'm older, I know more, and, most importantly, this baby will probably be very different from the first.

I'm excited about stepping into that world again, about seeing how the colors and the scenery have changed; I'm excited about plunging into this new experience, which will undoubtedly be packed with adventure. Mostly, though, I'm excited about holding Malko--cuddling him in his new little wrinkled pyjamas.