Monday, June 14, 2010

That's what the time just said: 10:01. Which means, much too late. To be starting an entry. But: too bad! I'm drunk. Or at least, almost. Off this very enjoyable white wine we got at Central Market this afternoon! Between the free coffee and free fresh-baked strips of bread! Betwixt my armpit and my head!

Hello? Hello. I can HEAR you! You can? Yes! And? SHUT UP!

Golly, my alternate personalities are arguing!

Against my better judgment I'm going to try to write a lucid, interesting entry, with lots of fun-filled facts and a minimum of hyperbole, but, as usual, I can't remember what I was going to say, sooooo....hmm.....better drink some more wine...

Joedy just walked into the living room in his orange polka-dotted underpants, the ones my parents gave him last year; he has a band-aid on each shoulder from the shots he got at the doctor's today. For some reason the clinic he went to actually gave him medical care; they not only gave him the two shots but THREE prescriptions! And tapped his knees with the little wooden hammer! I was rightfully jealous when he came home. Especially since I'd been mauled all morning by Malko, who's tweaked his tackling technique to include a post-tackling stepping-on-the-victim's-windpipe-with-his-fat-foot, while laughing, and then a slamming of his big butt in the victim's face! Ha ha! What fun!

This couch I'm sitting on (it's not our couch) smells like cheese. Really--it's remarkable. It's like someone rubbed a hunk of cheese right where the back cushions and the arms meet. Or, it could be that someone who lies here frequently, a canine someone, emits a certain smell from a certain body part and that body part rubs on the couch. That's totally possible, and it just makes me feel so...close to the dogs! So intimate with them! Yay!

My teeth are tingling. I haven't been to the dentist in seven or eight years and I brush a lot to make up for it, but now they feel like this and it's weird: they're, like, vibrating. Maybe it was the steel wool I used tonight instead of a toothbrush? Or the Ajax? Probably both. Anyway, the wine seems to be helping.

Last night Joedy and I were all set to have a rare "movie night"; without realizing it would be so horrific and gruesome Joedy rented an EXTREMELY, UNBELIEVABLY, HORRIFIC and GRUESOME movie, about a boy and his father post-Apocalypse, and for about an hour, until we couldn't stand it anymore (I spent a good part of the time moaning, in the fetal position), we watched scenes with jolly, happy cannibals and meat hooks to hang up their human "harvest"! They were harvesting humans because, of course, they had nothing left to eat, because there was a nuclear disaster, and everything was dying, and the planet was turning grey, and they were all going to finish each other off au jus and oh, happy day! Happy, gay humanity!

It didn't help that the boy looked like Malko, and when he cried he sounded so much like...a young boy. A young boy stuck in a world of death, with only his dying father to protect him: a sweet young boy, a nice young boy.

Joedy didn't think the story was believable, but call me gullible--I kind of think it could happen. Or at least, I think people could go that crazy--turn violent and cannibalistic and deranged--if the circumstances were right, and it's that I went to sleep thinking about, and it's that I woke up thinking about, and most of the day, when I found myself getting annoyed at Lula for requesting ANOTHER piece of toast after I just made her one, after I'd put the butter away and wiped the counter, I thought how lucky I am. To be able to make more toast. For her.

"Gosh, I'm lucky," I thought, pressing the toaster button again. "If this were the future, and people were cannibals, we probably wouldn't eat so much toast! And toast, by George, is good! A life without toast would be a wasted life."

That's what I thought about: how lucky I am to have toast and to not be a cannibal.

Yay, toast!

Yay, wine!

Yay, cheese!

On the couch! Right behind my back! Filling my nostrils with the smell of a sharp, rancid cheddar or maybe a dog's body part!


Good night.

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