Tuesday, April 14, 2009

I keep trying to write the blog entry I've been thinking about, the one that's all deep and thought-provoking and interesting, but I can't. It's too late, I'm too tired, and my brain feels scattered.

It depresses me that I haven't written since last Monday. Not only does it depress me, it scares me, because I feel like I'm losing my grip on this blog, which is the one creative thing I've managed to sustain--the one thing that gives me hope, these days, that someday I might "make it" creatively.

I know, I have a newborn baby, and that's nothing to scoff at in terms of "getting things done," but it's also very frustrating to think that these twelve weeks away from work are going to continue to fly by and I probably won't get much further in my writing and art projects.

I know, I know, I'm raising a baby. And yes, I love that baby, and I love changing his diaper and feeding him and cleaning his little fat rolls under his chin. I love devoting my time to him, and I know I'm lucky to have these twelve weeks to really be with him.

I know all that, but I can't help thinking: "Twelve weeks away from work! I can really get some shit done! I can write twelve personal essays and three children's books and make ten mobiles!" But of course it won't work that way.


There, I feel better.

And thus ends one of my boring-er, stupid-er blog entries. But at least I wrote!

1 comment:

uncleremus said...

boy o boy!!!
do you always put so much pressure on yourself???
you are doing amazing things!!!
just because you cant do them all at the same time does not indicate that you are losing your grip!!!
believe me....time is like Quicksilver---it all goes sooooo fast no matter what!!!!
so try to enjoy!!!
savor this time for what it is & let it be what it is....
that's the best you can do in any situation!!!!
hang in there Gorilla Girl!!!

PS "boring-er & stupid-er" is not "proper-er" english!!!!!

Post a Comment